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If you think power struggles are only difficult in the real world, try playing Crusader Kings 3. PC Gamer writer Joshua Wolens recently conducted a fun experiment. In this popular Paradox strategy game, he tried to dethrone a ruler who is old, cranky, and unwilling to give up his throne. In this article, published on October 17, 2026, he humorously describes how the experiment went.
(Image credit: Paradox)
Start of the experiment
Wolens claims he has a “surefire method” for this: a copy of Crusader Kings 3 and a ton of DLC. The article makes it clear upfront that the characters in the story have no connection to any real people. This means it’s purely a joke.
No pre-made character in the game fit the role, so they created their own ruler: 80-year-old Wenzel, who was entrusted with the reins of the Holy Roman Empire. His most prominent trait was being a “lunatic.” Opposite him stood a mere vassal, possessing no special qualities or great powers. He simply suffered from tuberculosis. The author admits he doesn’t even remember his name.
(Image credit: Paradox)
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Plan 1: Just be nice
The easiest way was to start a bloody civil war. But the author felt it would be inappropriate to suggest such a thing on an international gaming portal. So he chose the peaceful path: either declare himself the king’s heir, or appease him enough to make him co-ruler.
To this end, he began sending gifts and praise to the emperor. He also wrote flattering letters to the major vassals. At first, everything seemed strangely easy. The author thought that perhaps the true secret to politics was simply to “remain a good person.” But this illusion was quickly shattered. Some powerful people rallied behind him, but no one was willing to see him on the throne. And Wenzel? He was flattered by the praise, but his advancing age and superstition had left him no time to consider the division of power.
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When the plague ruined everything
This is where the story takes a turn. Suddenly, an epidemic spread in the game, dubbed “Wenzel’s Cough.” The author himself doesn’t know if this was even possible according to the game’s rules, but that’s exactly what happened. The disease struck his subjects, then his entire family: his wife, daughters, sons, and even he himself fell ill.
Politics took a back seat, and saving lives became the primary priority. They isolated the capital and hired a private physician. The physician’s treatment was no less bizarre: he locked them in a room full of bees. Surprisingly, it brought some relief. Most of the family recovered, except for one son, about whom the author didn’t know much.
The path of war also failed
When diplomacy failed, the author considered war. But the numbers were clear: Wenzel had about 7,000 soldiers, and he had only 1,400. To win, he needed a powerful ally. He set his sights on Matilda, Duchess of Tuscany, who had a substantial army. Marriage was also considered, as his current wife was battling illness.
But Matilda foiled the entire plan. Without waiting for the author, she single-handedly launched a war of independence against Wenzel. The result was inevitable: she lost. Meanwhile, Wenzel had also acquired traits like “irritable” and “withering mind,” meaning he was both irritable and mentally weak.
Climax: The king did not die, the player died
The most interesting and saddest part comes at the end. The author’s illness worsens, while each family member recovers one by one. The game displays a message like “Laughter reverberates through the house!”, and simultaneously, the question on screen is whether to perform the last rites or go straight to hell.
Meanwhile, Wenzel’s list of traits grew longer: high blood pressure, a weak heart, a debilitated brain. Another plague was also approaching him. Yet, he remained undeterred. Eventually, the author himself died, and the old king remained on the throne.
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What did you learn?
According to the author, one’s fate cannot be left to the whims of powerful people, as everyone has their own self-interests. And waiting for a loved one to pass away at the right time isn’t a strategy either. This is all said in jest, but those who have played Crusader Kings 3 know that this is the essence of the game. Plans are made, illnesses and betrayals disrupt them, and each playthrough becomes a new story.
If you play CK3, have you ever had a move backfire so badly? Share your craziest story in the comments.
